Headline: It’s like a episode of ‘Smallville’ that cost $60 million to make.

It has been a very long time since my last “Reviewtrooper” post so just bear with me if I get sidetracked a bit. This weekend, I did a coin flip to see which movie I’m going to check out. ‘I Am Number Four’ or ‘Unknown’. Well, the decision was made, not by the result of the coin flip, but just by the available showtimes at the local theatre. Well, what can I say. I walked in with low expectations and I wasn’t disappointed.

The Set Up:

‘I Am Number Four’ follows the story of  “John Smith” (played by Alex Pettyfer), a displace survivor from the planet, Lorien who is living among humans on Earth. John and his protector, Henri (played by Timothy Olyphant) are on the run from the same threat that wiped out his planet, the Mogadorians. The Mogadorians are a blood-thirty group (lead by amazing Kevin Durand) who are hunting down and killing the Lorien survivors who are the only ones that can stop the Mogadorians from conquering Earth. John is one of the few that can stop the Mogadorian invasion. He is born with the gift of the “Legacy” which gives them special powers and extraordinary abilities. Children born with the power of the “Legacy” is deemed protectors of Lorien. Nine “Legacy” children were sent to Earth along with a protector to keep them safe from Mogadorian hunters who aim to kill them before their powers mature. The movie starts with the Mogadorians killing a Lorien child who is later determined as “Number Three”. The next on the hit-list is “Number Four” who turns out to be John Smith. After finding out about the death of “Three”, John and Henri runs away and hides in the small town of Paradise, Ohio. This is where the movie starts to slide.

The Complaint:

Based on a hit science fiction young adult novel by Pittacus Lore (the pen name of authors James Frey and Jobie Hughes), the movie feels like it was made for teens and tweens. A bit juvenile and filled to the brim with angst. Imagine a CW series such as ‘Smallville’ made two hours long with about $59 million in special effects and props dropped into it. While I’m on the subject of Smallville, somethings sounds very similar. An orphan child from another planet with amazing super powers sent to Earth? Sounds a bit like the making of a Superman origin story. Even director, D.J. Caruso (Disturbia, Eagle Eye, Salton Sea) couldn’t save the movie from it’s less than original script. I do admit, the special effects and fight choreography is top notch, but the story, script, and acting could not meet the visuals. As an avid fan of Timothy Olyphant (Hitman, Justified) and Kevin Durand (LOST, Legion, X-Men Origins: Wolverine), I feel that these great character actors were completely wasted on this movie. While their acting was intense and entertaining, it could not be met by the lacking skills of Alex Pettyfer (Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker, Beastly) and Dianna Agron (Glee), who plays John’s love interest, Sarah. Even John’s nerdy sidekick friend, Sam (played by Callan McAuliffe) out shined the leads. The movie also suffers from holes in the plot that cause confusion among the audience. Things that seem to hold importance in the story are not explained throughly and reads like a book with pages torn out of it. No effort is made to explain the many questions that the viewer has and leaves us hanging. The ending is left open as well as if the studio was expecting a positive review by the movie viewing community and a sequel would get fast tracked. I’m not sure if that is going to happen. The great special effects and action scenes was brought down by a lackluster script filled with teenage angst, daddy issues, a stagnant love story, and mediocre acting.

Praise:

Teresa Palmer. She made the movie enjoyable. Teresa Palmer (Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Mad Max: Fury Road) plays “Number Six”, a “Legacy” child just like John, but not such a noob. Unlike John, Six has already developed and mastered her “Legacy” powers. Six arrives in Paradise to help John fight the Mogadorians. Six pops in and out throughout the movie and comes in hard at the climax of the movie (which takes place in a high school… go figure…). The action scenes with Six had the audience (and myself) cheering and clapping. It was dead silent when John was in the picture. Teresa kicked ass and looked sexy as hell doing so. It didn’t hurt that the movie had some awesome action choreography and special effects. It’s nothing like the bullshit that you get from ‘The Last Airbender’.

Sidenote:

I don’t blame DJ Caruso for how mediocre ‘I am Number Four’ was. The story moved (a bit too fast at times), the pace was good, and the action was dynamic and fun. I just blame the casting director for the lousy casting of Alex Pettyfer and the writer (of the movie and books) for writing such a juvenile story. Well, maybe I can’t be too hard on the writers because this story was meant for teens/tweens and I am almost 30 years old. I can see grade school kids eating this movie up, but I just don’t see anybody that is considered an “adult” actually enjoying this movie too much. I didn’t think the movie was amazing or anything close to it, but I’m not screaming “bloody murder” and asking for my money back.

Also, Hollywood needs to STOP DICKING AROUND and wasting the talents of Timothy Olyphant and Kevin Durand on bull shit like this? Really Hollywood? Olyphant is nothing more than a “Uncle Ben” or “Johnathan Kent” now? Especially with the talent being shown on ‘Justified’? Thats like casting Jon Hamm to play Jimmy Olson. IT JUST DON’T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE! He deserves more than that kind of role. He deserves to whip ass in movies. So does Durand.

I freakin’ should have known it was going to be crappy when I saw the name “Michael Bay”. I’m such a fool.

Verdict:

Under the age of 20: B+
If you can drink: C